On Monday, we talked about the expectations many of us have regarding the holidays and how those expectations can weigh on us. If we're not careful, it's very easy for an expectation to become an obligation. And those aren't very fun, are they?
If an expectation is a "should," an obligation is a "have to." And it tends to feel more externally imposed than an expectation. "I have to buy a bunch of stuff/drive six hours each way/deal with people I actively dislike, etc." The implied "or..." is that other people will be angry, hurt or disappointed. It's enough to make the holiday season feel like a probation sentence with finger foods.
If you want to relieve some of that sense of obligation during the holidays, try playing the "what's the worst that would happen" game. What's the worst thing that would happen if you didn't send those cards this year? If you didn't drive across the country for a meal? If you didn't do the same things you've "always" done? If you find the consequences relatively tolerable compared to the activity, consider changing the activity or not doing it at all.
Or you could try to find the fun. If there's some element of the stuff you "have to" do that you genuinely enjoy, try to focus on that. Try to make a game out of it, if you can; maybe treat yourself to an extra-large marshmallow (or shot of brandy) in your hot chocolate for every string of lights you put up.
Of course, there is one obligations that I recommend you meet during this season: your obligation to take care of yourself. This applies in the mental, emotional, spiritual and financial senses, but I really want to emphasize the physical sense. We're in the holiday season, yes, but we're also still in the cold and flu season, and I don't think that's a coincidence. Not taking care of your health can render your holiday activities moot. After all, who wants to eat cookies baked by someone with what pharmacists call a "wet, hacking cough"?
What obligations do you have this season, and what are you doing to try to reframe them?
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